Apr 6, 2015

Educated illiterate..

Today in a random discussion my friend told me about this incident, which made me feel angry to be a girl. And to be a girl in our society. Friend of a friend got married to this guy. Who has a good family background, earns well, and looks decent. Off course it was a arrange marriage, if all these were checked and marked. Girl is equally good and the families were all happy and proud to find such a match for their daughter. Now you would ask what’s the problem then..  Problem isn’t in the situation; problem is with people and their small thinking.
On the first day after all the griha pravesh and all other vidhis the new bride was asked to get a test done before the big first night. Want to guess what test it was?? Yes, you are right, she was asked to get virginity test done. By her new mother in law and her husband. So called better half, her life partner, her friend. I can’t even imagine what her expression must have been. What thoughts must have been crowding in her head. How she would have reacted to such a welcome. It kills me from inside to see this happening in so called well educated families.
The worse of all, the girl agreed for it and got the test done. I don’t know her personally; I do not know what she was thinking. But that hurts me more that she accepted such things, and let someone crush her self-respect, her dignity.  I fail to understand here why some husband would request that out of his wife. Somebody he agreed to spend his life with, made promise to protect her, to keep her happy. Isn’t the past is past and we should look forward towards the future?? And how illiterate one could be?? There are 100s of reasons due to which a female hymen can rupture. And so what if she had a physical relationship with someone in past. Why should that matter to you now?? Who gives you a right to judge her for her past? Who gives you a right to personal lifet? She is married to you, you don’t own her. She willing decided to be with you. She didn’t give the right of her life to you.
What about the boy? What about his virginity? How do you define virginity in men? Is there even a test for that? What if the girl would have asked him such question, about his virginity? What do you think the guys reaction would have been. So girl are meant to accept the way guys are? If the girls virginity matters shouldn’t his matter as well.
 I always felt base of any relationship is mutual respect for each other. Be it son-mother relation , brother-sister, girlfriend-boyfriend relation. Respect for other person as an individual is the utmost importance. If one cannot others if you don’t respect yourself.  As woman we have to start respecting ourselves to gain some respect in our society.
To start raising voice for things we don’t want to do, for things which make us feel uncomfortable. Things we just don’t agree with. If we .don’t do it then there won’t be a difference between us and the goats tied in courtyard. Speak up raise your voice not for anyone else, just for yourself for the beautiful human you are, for your self-respect.
Value yourself, that’s when others will.
Just a line I read somewhere -

“ As kids we are told not to talk to strangers , in marriage you are asked to sleep with one”.

Feb 3, 2014

just words

crossing under the bridge a road that only vaguely reminds of what it used to be years ago someone plays the radio I hear a song so long forgotten and it fills me with nostalgia I am not really allowed but I grab at it anyways as I drive through a traffic jam almost geometric the music cuts me from all angles I am reminded of sitting around pavement cutting chai and the jingle of coins we saved for it on bored midnights and blurry pencils we talked of passion and love for lead bricks that make you feel like living the city comes alive suddenly you see it all in black and white lines are emerging out of every side as I realize we might be inside a comic film and the building look like our portfolio with the incomplete coloring  the white bricks on my wall and yours with yellow green trees the shade you forget to draw inspired by what you never understood the words crash against your heart at 3am in the shabby room your parents refused to enter and you learn how to fall and get back on your feet we fall we break we shatter take make and at the end we just throw all the papers away and start over coz we are not alone now and the music like the lines heal every cut you gave far away somewhere the day breaks and we knew that passion has not died for it is our truth we always knew that 
we are what we are.

-written sometime in 2008