Time to turn the page ;

There were times; I spent hours looking at my ceiling fan. There were times when I looked at the walls of my room imagining shapes. There were times when I kept staring at the window pane, watching the day go by. There were times I stood under the shower hoping to get breathless. There were times I would lay in bed with my eyes close, trying to shut the world away. There were times when I plugged in my earphones and listened to deafening music trying to drown my memories out. There were times when I stared at my reflection in the mirror searching for myself. Searching for life in those empty eyes. That was the year 2017 for me.

They say heartbreaks are essential in the self-development. I never really believed it, until recently. Was that depression? Was that me mourning the death of one relationship? Was that me losing a part of myself? Was I washing away my dreams with my tears? Was that just pain? Was that the agony of a broken heart? Was that just me coming to terms with reality? Reality that no one can love you the way you expect.

The thing about being in love is that we make it about the other person. Love has to be about you first. It’s about what you both are when you are together. How can we love someone else when we don’t love ourselves enough? I was becoming something I didn’t love. And I was totally ignoring what I was becoming. Time and again I would say to him “You are no longer the person I loved once”. But I failed to ask myself, if I was really the person I used to be. Honestly speaking we can never be the person we were yesterday or even a minute before. We change, we evolve, we adapt, and we grow. But the key here is to remember the core. Core of who we are. Time and again we need to look deep inside our heart and find ourselves. Love is like gardening, it needs constant care and nourishment.

I would be lying if I say I wasn’t hurt. I was shattered, devastated, broken into pieces. But I don’t regret a bit of it. I look back and feel happy to have experienced love in that form. I look back at it and realize that it has made me who I am today. And I have evolved as a person. The one lesson I have learned is, that every person who walks into your story leaves once their role in it is over. It doesn’t mean the story has ended. It just means it’s time to turn the page. It’s time to start a new chapter. Cause the book is about you, and all that would be remembered is your story.

Year 2018 is a new chapter in my book. This chapter is going to be all about happiness. This chapter is going to be about new definitions of  love.

Happy New Year!





Comments

rauuff said…
i pick up a random paragraph, i don't know who you are and i come to a conclusion, without reading the rest. This has been written by a very highly sensitive and extremely emotional girl. Yes, a girl. Big trouble ! So i become judgemental. Who is not judgemental Darshi ? If any one says he or she is not judgemental they are lying.

I would avoid talking about myself and my life because i am an animal in a forest. My issues are mostly connected to survival just like any animal. My views will be very strange. No animal is delusional.

God doesn't love you, Nature doesn't love you. That is a delusion. You are alone. You are not the center of the earth. You are supposed to connect with nature and survive according to the laws of physics and nature. One fact of nature is it is dependent on the female species. Entire planet is run and managed by female species. Nature cannot depend on the irresponsible male species. But nature also needs male for procreation. Male is just a cigarrette. Pick it up smoke it and throw it. As a male i am ashamed to say that exactly is my worth.

Oh Darshi i have to say so much on the subject you have written, i read the entire post 3 or four times.

I'll continue, perhaps tomorrow or the day after. i am not a busy man. Been running around today, sister was hospitalised. No worries, just dehydration. Couple of drips, i brought her back home in the evening. i want to talk about love, expectations, hatred, how deluded we humans are and all that. Some may hurt your feelings. Please tell me if you want me to continue.
Vishnu Vimal said…
This is so deep and thoughtful. Just yesterday I was having a discussion with a friend about how every experience in life helps one to grow and evolve to be a better person. This piece moved me a lot. And yes, 2018 is going to be amazing for you. I'm sure about that.

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